Gender Roles in the Marriage and Guilt

Most mothers and wives can relate to feeling guilty all of the time. It seems like there is so much guilt to be felt. Mom guilt for losing your patience, for not doing enough with your little one that day, or for turning that TV on for just a little while so you can actually get something done! But with mom guilt, comes wife guilt.

Wife guilt is a whole different story. You focus ALL of your time on your child now. Teaching them, worrying about them, feeding them, changing them, cleaning up after them and repeat. By the end of the day, you’re exhausted. Hubby comes home from work and you just have no energy left. You hand him the baby and you run to the shower or to the bathroom for 20 minutes because… if we are being real, that is basically a vacation. When the baby goes down for the night, you want to just go to sleep with them. But it’s only 8:00. You can’t. There is more cleaning up to do after dinner. There is more laundry to fold. More messes to be wiped up. Then, what you end up doing is wanting to sit on the couch and catch up on TV shows and play on your phone. Which brings on MORE GUILT. This is your only chance to spend quality time as husband and wife… not stare at the TV and your phones all night.

Although my husband understands my exhaustion, I can’t help but feel guilty sometimes. I’m the woman of the house. I’m supposed to take care of my child AND my husband, right? WRONG.

As soon as you toss out those “marriage gender rolls”, you’ll see how much easier life can be. I’ve had people look at me funny when I tell them my husband cooks more often than I do. I HATE cooking. He enjoys it (most of the time). Why is that weird? Because society always told us that women are the only ones that should be in the kitchen. My husband can be in the kitchen and cook an amazing meal, while I re-caulk our bathroom tub. Weeeirrddd huh?

My husband is an amazing father. He changes Peyton’s diaper when he’s home. He can bathe her ALL BY HIMSELF :O Shocking! He can play “picnic” with her while I take a shower and get some cleaning done. Oh wait, I want to play picnic with the baby but our house needs to be vacuumed! Do you think he waits around for me to finish playing with her? No. He gets the vacuum out and he removes the endless amount of dog hair from our floors.

Instead of feeling guilty, ask your husband for help! This isn’t the 1930’s. When I get help, I actually don’t feel as guilty. We are a team. If we work together, things get done and they get done quicker. If things get done quicker, we have more time to spend together at night. Sometimes we do catch up on the shows we enjoy. Sometimes we sit on the couch with no TV on and just talk about life. We spend quality time together. That can mean many things for many different people. It needs to be done or you’ll lose your marriage. You’ll start to feel an endless amount of guilt. After a while, that guilt is going to turn into resentment. Resenting your husband for not offering to help. Resenting him for not taking the baby so you can take your first shower in 3 days. Yes, my husband works hard. But so do I. Yes, he goes to work and he supports his family. I go to work every time I open my eyes in the morning because there is another little human being that is relying on me for EVERYTHING. If anything, I’m probably more exhausted by the end of the day than he is.

I don’t believe being a “stay-at-home-mom” (I hate that term) and having a working husband warrants the husband to not help with the house or baby at all. Honestly, men should WANT to help with their child and be involved in their child’s activities. Men should want (maybe not want, but offer) to help their wives clean up after dinner because it’s their house too.! Let’s lose these gender roles. It’s 2018. Step it up men, or your wives will step out.

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